Banking is the latest industry hit by the spiritual bug. Global FIs are now gearing up to launch products aimed at the religiously inclined consumer.
So what exactly is spiritual banking? It is basically a blend of trading, banking and securities exchange based on spiritual currency called Karma. Customers can accumulate Karma based on the good deeds that they do, which is credited to their account by a certified Karmic accountant. The Karmic exchange rate is a floating rate based on the exchange rate prevailing on the day Karma is deposited in a bank.
Guys with negative Karma will try and pull this rate down, while others will try and push the rates north. Karma can be freely traded subject to the condition that the currency has been stored in the customer’s account for atleast an year. All good deeds committed without selfish motives and with unbound goodwill qualify for Karmic investment. The customer must be able to convince the Karmic auditor about the genuineness of his or her claim and support it with relevant evidence.
Potential customers are extremely excited by the move. “I have been running an airline and wooing my girl for over a year now. I haven’t earned a penny in both deals and this is the time to encash all the good that I have been doing,” says Mess Wadia. According to Puppy Lahiri, “i haven’t brought out any albums in the last two years and have spared people from needless cacophony and this should alone make me a Karmic millionaire”.
Eye Bee Yen editor Rajcreep goes one step ahead and says “this was in the works for too long and we need to implement this soon. We need to become more morally conscious and spiritually cognizant. I mean just look at the type of breaking news that news channels are flaunting these days. The other day one channel claimed that someone from the opposition had stolen the PM’s pyjammas. The society needs to cleanse itself and this move has come at the right time”, he says.
Others however are not so excited. “Will what i say on my blog be considered as a negative karma? If so I don’t believe in all this,” says actor Amir Khan. Him-mesh Race-mia is equally apprehensive when he says “if this takes off, I will have to quit acting and singing and go back to my old job of being a watchman and that’s gonna be tough..”
Whatever the apprehensions, spiritual banking is here to stay. Hope the banking software vendors are listening.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Noise of India contest
The noise of India contest
The setting- one of India’s top dhabbhas, the judges- unwanted pests and the contestants-Crème-de-la-cottage cheese of Indian politics. Politicians, cutting across party lines, gathered for the first ever Scaretelll ‘Noise of India’ contest, a clash of wits, singing abilities and talents. Did it turn out the way the organizers wanted? What went wrong? Find out.
The contestants arrived quite early and were seen practicing their songs in front of mirrors, fellow party men and even stray dogs that had unwittingly landed up. Each ‘neta’ wanted to outdo the other and camaraderie was the last thing on their minds. By 10, the ‘distinguished’ judges arrived, starting with Puppy Lahiri, who seemed to have just reached after ransacking a jewelry store. Jawed Akthar followed, clothed humbly and as usual, had a couple of couplets for the media folks. Mahesh Rutt, the third judge, announced his new movie, on the spot. “The script will be finalized after I finish shooting,” he claimed.
The first contestant, Devil Gowda walked on to stage, waving frantically at the audience and fell asleep, before reaching the microphone. He was taken away in a stretcher and a not so enthusiastic Amar Sing followed. He sang few lines praising his big brother Amitabh Bachpan and waited anxiously for the judges’ response. “You have killed the song, my friend. It seems like you have no knowledge of verse and rhythm and I wouldn’t even cast you in any of my movies”, said Mahesh Rut. Tears started rolling down Amar Sing’s cheeks and he was inconsolable and was taken away from the podium.
Prakash Karat followed with a song praising our eastern neighbor. He was pelted with low-cal eggs and booed off stage. Next up- the irrepressible Lallo. He came, looked at the judges and sang his rendition of Hotel California... As he finished the song, Jawed literally pounced on him. “Do you even know the meaning of the song? How dare you ruin such meaningful lyrics and sing in such an out-of-tune manner? I cannot give you any marks, please go away. A grumbling Lallo was heard mumbling “wait till you travel by my train, I will ensure that you will have the ride of your life”.
Shotgun Sinha was the next contestant, who performed his take on ‘mere angane me tumhaara kya kaam hai’. This time it was Puppy Lahiri’s turn to insult the contestant. “Is this a song? What have you sung? “itna bad toh mera doggie bhi nahi sing kareghiii(even my dog an sing better), he said” Shotgun was furious and didn’t wait for Puppy to finish to start exchanging pleasantries. “Abhey paneer ki dukhan, ruee key goddam (cottage cheese store and cotton warehouse), what do you know about music other than plagiarizing tunes from foreign numbers? And you have parked your stadium-sized bottom there as a judge," shot gun said. How dare you insult me, I will go high court, I will go to supreme court," thundered Puppy. "Go to a food court first, like you always do," replied shotgun.
Mahesh Rutt tried to intervene, by when all the other contestants had gathered. Seizing the opportunity, Shotgun ran, pounced on Puppy and started raining blows left and right. Puppy collapsed on the podium, which gave way under the weight of the big dude and his jewels. The entire bunch is now recovering at a Bandra hospital.
The setting- one of India’s top dhabbhas, the judges- unwanted pests and the contestants-Crème-de-la-cottage cheese of Indian politics. Politicians, cutting across party lines, gathered for the first ever Scaretelll ‘Noise of India’ contest, a clash of wits, singing abilities and talents. Did it turn out the way the organizers wanted? What went wrong? Find out.
The contestants arrived quite early and were seen practicing their songs in front of mirrors, fellow party men and even stray dogs that had unwittingly landed up. Each ‘neta’ wanted to outdo the other and camaraderie was the last thing on their minds. By 10, the ‘distinguished’ judges arrived, starting with Puppy Lahiri, who seemed to have just reached after ransacking a jewelry store. Jawed Akthar followed, clothed humbly and as usual, had a couple of couplets for the media folks. Mahesh Rutt, the third judge, announced his new movie, on the spot. “The script will be finalized after I finish shooting,” he claimed.
The first contestant, Devil Gowda walked on to stage, waving frantically at the audience and fell asleep, before reaching the microphone. He was taken away in a stretcher and a not so enthusiastic Amar Sing followed. He sang few lines praising his big brother Amitabh Bachpan and waited anxiously for the judges’ response. “You have killed the song, my friend. It seems like you have no knowledge of verse and rhythm and I wouldn’t even cast you in any of my movies”, said Mahesh Rut. Tears started rolling down Amar Sing’s cheeks and he was inconsolable and was taken away from the podium.
Prakash Karat followed with a song praising our eastern neighbor. He was pelted with low-cal eggs and booed off stage. Next up- the irrepressible Lallo. He came, looked at the judges and sang his rendition of Hotel California... As he finished the song, Jawed literally pounced on him. “Do you even know the meaning of the song? How dare you ruin such meaningful lyrics and sing in such an out-of-tune manner? I cannot give you any marks, please go away. A grumbling Lallo was heard mumbling “wait till you travel by my train, I will ensure that you will have the ride of your life”.
Shotgun Sinha was the next contestant, who performed his take on ‘mere angane me tumhaara kya kaam hai’. This time it was Puppy Lahiri’s turn to insult the contestant. “Is this a song? What have you sung? “itna bad toh mera doggie bhi nahi sing kareghiii(even my dog an sing better), he said” Shotgun was furious and didn’t wait for Puppy to finish to start exchanging pleasantries. “Abhey paneer ki dukhan, ruee key goddam (cottage cheese store and cotton warehouse), what do you know about music other than plagiarizing tunes from foreign numbers? And you have parked your stadium-sized bottom there as a judge," shot gun said. How dare you insult me, I will go high court, I will go to supreme court," thundered Puppy. "Go to a food court first, like you always do," replied shotgun.
Mahesh Rutt tried to intervene, by when all the other contestants had gathered. Seizing the opportunity, Shotgun ran, pounced on Puppy and started raining blows left and right. Puppy collapsed on the podium, which gave way under the weight of the big dude and his jewels. The entire bunch is now recovering at a Bandra hospital.
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